Remember that scene in Jerry McGuire, when Jerry says “You complete me…” and everyone melts and thinks he’s the sweetest, most emotionally evolved person??? I love that scene, but I freaking hate it too. Lmao. It’s such bullshit.
Hear me out. I love love. I love having a partner who has chosen to travel through this life alongside me.
I love having someone to call my lover and my friend. I love how he loves me and I love watching him love our children. I love how he supports me and wants to see me succeed. I love that I can be myself, the good and the bad, without feeling judged. But…. Make no mistake. He doesn’t complete me. He doesn’t fulfill me. He doesn’t make me happy. I do that!
I am responsible for how I feel. I am responsible for my happiness. I am responsible for my reactions. My husband, or anyone for that matter, can act in ways that trigger certain emotions in me. Normal. But do they make me happy? Or sad? Or excited? Or angry? Nope! I do that. My reactions. My feelings. My choice.
Can you imagine how difficult it would be for my husband to be responsible for my happiness? Or me for his? What an enormous burden! Imagine me having to take care of my own spiritual, mental, and physical health, raising my children to be good humans, taking care of a home, a business, and….. making sure he’s happy inside??? I would never expect that of him, and I am so grateful that he doesn’t expect that of me. We each do things that make ourselves happy. We each focus on growing as individuals so that we bring our best selves to the table, and can grow as a couple. We don’t put unnecessary demands on each other. We know we have to be happy with ourselves first, or we could never be happy together.
Relationships can be equally difficult and amazing. But the truth is, your success in your relationship with someone else highly depends on your relationship with yourself. You can never fully appreciate the learning and growth that comes with a partnership, if you haven’t developed the ability to learn as an individual.
You want happiness? You have to find it within yourself.
You want to be better? Feel better? Learn from your mistakes. Learn to look at yourself first, always. Evaluate yourself constantly: your behavior, triggers, pain points, childhood, trust, self-confidence, and values. Figure out what is triggering you and address it. Don’t freak out on people or over situations that have no control over your feelings. Do the hard work.
I work on myself every single day. Whether I’m reading a book, listening to a podcast, taking a walk, or talking with a friend, I’m learning from my life and living better every day. I AM COMPLETE. I AM FULFILLED. ALL BY MYSELF. But I’m also happy that I get to share this awesome life with someone who loves me as I am, and is complete all by himself too!
Keep it burnin',