Someone recently said to me, “Damn Ev, how do you do it? How do you keep up with your house, exercise, work, and still hang out with your kids and husband”? Well damn, that’s a loaded question. Ha,ha.
Let me start here… WE ARE TOO HARD ON OURSELVES!
We expect to have a perfectly cleaned home, well behaved children who eat great food, a happy marriage, a perfect job that bring us joy, a kick ass body, and all the happiness that life has to offer. And as women, we expect more from ourselves than we do of anyone else. We set ourselves up for disappointment, constantly. So I guess the question is, Can we have it all? And my answer is yes, just not the way we thought.
I can honestly say that my life is pretty damned perfect. And by perfect, I mean perfect for me, by my own standards, not someone else’s. My home is mostly clean (lol, then the hubs and kids come home and that’s out the window). My children are actually really well behaved (*80% awesome, 20% testy 🙂😉). I work out 4-5 times a week. My work brings me satisfaction because it fulfills my purpose. And my marriage is solid. I love my guy 😊
But….. to get there I had to realize that I couldn’t do what I told myself I “should” be able to do!
I had to learn how to accept the fact that I was never going to give 100% of myself to all these different areas of my life at the same time. I had to learn to designate my time, with intention. So if I’m playing with my kids, I can’t be thinking about work. If I’m working, I can’t try to take care of the kids. I needed to learn to ask for help. I needed to learn to let go of some of my unrealistic expectations. I needed to learn that my time with my family is valuable, but so is my time by myself.
My mindset changed, and so did my priorities. When I’m working from home, the cell phone is off, I’m not trying to squeeze in laundry, and I block out time to get what I need and want done. The same goes for exercise. I know that exercise makes me feel energized and clear. So, I make sure to schedule it in, just like any other commitment.
When my kids get home, I make sure I’m not distracted.
I listen to them tell me about their day and help with homework. Because I know that their ability to trust me with their stories now, will also lead them to come to me when they’re older. I want them to always know they can come to me, and that what they are going through is important. No matter how trivial a story may seem to me, it’s significant to them. And as far as keeping the house clean? Shit, we all help with that. I don’t live here alone, so I don’t take care of it alone.
When the day closes, I can finally spend time with my husband. Sometimes we watch tv or just talk. Sometimes, I put my head on his lap and pass out, lol. I’ve even gone to bed with dishes in the sink a time or two, because there will always be dishes, but there will not always be time to be with my guy.
So, you definitely can have it all. You just can’t give yourself to all of it, all the time. And that’s totally okay. You have to change the script. Let go of the thought of perfection. Let your house get a little messy. Play with your kids. Get your family to divide out the household chores. And always live in gratitude. Your children will grow to learn that living happily is way more important than striving for perfection.
Have a great week everyone and don't be too hard on yourself!
Keep it burnin',